Anyway, I got a few really good cries in, and I had trouble with idealizing the relationship Bunbun and I had. To be realistic, she was a few steps under being referred to as "feral", and refused to be touched or interacted with at all. However, this is not to discount the hours of entertaniment and company she gave me. Her antics were hilarious, and her massive personality undeniable. I had trouble with thinking "If I could only touch her, hold her again", but I had to snap myself out of that, because I never did (unless you count burritoing her to force feed her Critical Care. Boy, did she love me after that.). The relationship I and my husband had with Bunbun was difficult to describe.
We spent a long time last night just reminiscing and realizing our relationship with her. It was very good for the both of us. It was good to do some good-natured ribbing, because if Bunbun was a people, she'd be doing the same thing to us. We remembered times she was naughty and she knew it, times where when we lay on the floor for some close-time, she would purposefully come up to you, lull you into a false sense of security, and then nip at the skin between your pants and shirt. She enjoyed freaking us out like that. And then she would run to her litterbox, "home base" where mommy and daddy weren't allowed, and just sit there.
She was such a funny rabbit, and although she was never (and never would be) a cuddle bunny, or even a sociable bunny, she was perfect. Sassy and ridiculous.
I am also allowing myself to feel happy about the prospect (WAAY in the future!) of a new friend. Of course, I am planning on adopting from a rescue shelter. A few minutes at my local rescue's website, and I actually feel better. I think that there are many buns out there with loving personalities that need love too. And while I am not going to be ready for that for a long time, I am trying to look to the future, about the future buns that I will be priviliged to encounter, and how I will shower them with all the love and affection they deserve.
I am also excited at the prospect of finding a bun that likes to cuddle. If Bunbun's spirit could talk, I know she'd say "Go for it. I ain't into that mushy stuff." That's her blessing.
Oh, my silly, crazy, ridiculous Bunbun. I will miss you and love you always.